Dead Pragmatists Society

Author: Research Team

  • It’s the thought experiment that counts 

    It’s the thought experiment that counts 

    No. QM-1935-SCHRODINGER

    Division of Quantum Morality, Festive Field Report

    Superposition of Gratitude

    SUMMARY:

    In response to repeated questions about whether unpurchased gifts still generate gratitude fields, the Division conducted a controlled holiday simulation.  Observers recorded measurable joy in recipients once the possibility of generosity was acknowledged, regardless of actual follow-through.

    FINDINGS:

    1. Recipients both possess and do not possess presents until opened.
    2. The presence of thought, when measured, alters emotional outcome.
    3. Intention collapses the social waveform; packaging is optional.
    4. The ethical collapse of good intentions under observation is inevitable.

    RECOMMENDATIONS:

    Future gift exchanges may be conducted through implication alone.The Bureau approves non-physical generosity as a sustainable practice.

    ADVISORY NOTICE TO STAFF:

    Schrödinger has been advised to stop testing on cats and interns.

    Filed from Beyond the Pale · Dead Pragmatists Society · 2025

  • On Wednesdays, we wear skepticism

    On Wednesdays, we wear skepticism

    No. AA-1864-NIET-1A

    Case File, Department of Irony and Wardrobe Management

    Friedrich Nietzche’s Rejected application to the Jünglingsverein, Pforta.

    SUMMARY

    Early records suggest that a youthful Friedrich Nietzsche submitted an application to the Jünglingsverein, a modest student society devoted to social ranking and the exchange of boiled sweets. His rejection was prompt and, historians believe, decisive.

    FINDINGS

    Member’s subsequent manifestations of will-to-power, eternal recurrence, and fashionable pessimism may be traced directly to this formative snub.

    Member’s participation in theosophical committees should be discouraged due to his tendency to dance naked at the mention of certain other members.

    ADVISORY NOTICE

    If located, the original rejection letter, burn book, oder jarbook entries should be laminated and displayed near the coffee machine as a deterrent to others.

    HABILIMENTS AVAILABLE

    Warm Deviation (Heather Bubble Gum Pink)
    Dark Deviation (Heather Black)
    Control Sample 001 (Heather Stone)
    Cool Deviation (Heather Prism Lilac)
  • Eat, Drink, and Deny the Void.

    Eat, Drink, and Deny the Void.

    ID: EHX-1957-CAMUS-A

    Wellness Circular, Bureau of Existential Health

    Staff Morale and the Responsible Use of Futility

    MEMORANDUM FOR IMMEDIATE DISTRIBUTION

    Recent surveys indicate that 63% of Society members report
    “heightened awareness of cosmic indifference” during the Persephone period. This circular reminds all members that seasonal despair, while inevitable, is not reimbursable.

    RECOMMENDED PRACTICES:

    1. Take meals regularly. Skipping lunch in protest of meaninglessness merely confirms the void’s position on your calendar.
    2. Hydration improves existential elasticity. Coffee may be counted if faith permits.
    3. Alcohol may be enjoyed in moderation, provided discussions of
      absurdity remain collegial and volume levels humane.
    4. When confronted by the abyss, staff are encouraged to
      a) nod politely
      b) acknowledge receipt, and
      c) maintain inertia.

    Remember: Every denial of the void is a small act of workplace safety!

    Advisory Notice:
    Existential nausea may be reported to the Department of Irony and
    Wardrobe Management for laundering.