No. QM-1935-SCHRODINGER

Division of Quantum Morality, Festive Field Report

Superposition of Gratitude

SUMMARY:

In response to repeated questions about whether unpurchased gifts still generate gratitude fields, the Division conducted a controlled holiday simulation.  Observers recorded measurable joy in recipients once the possibility of generosity was acknowledged, regardless of actual follow-through.

FINDINGS:

1. Recipients both possess and do not possess presents until opened.
2. The presence of thought, when measured, alters emotional outcome.
3. Intention collapses the social waveform; packaging is optional.
4. The ethical collapse of good intentions under observation is inevitable.

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RECOMMENDATIONS:

Future gift exchanges may be conducted through implication alone.The Bureau approves non-physical generosity as a sustainable practice.

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ADVISORY NOTICE TO STAFF:

Schrödinger has been advised to stop testing on cats and interns.

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Filed from Beyond the Pale · Dead Pragmatists Society · 2025