No. QM-1935-SCHRODINGER
Division of Quantum Morality, Festive Field Report
Superposition of Gratitude
SUMMARY:
In response to repeated questions about whether unpurchased gifts still generate gratitude fields, the Division conducted a controlled holiday simulation. Observers recorded measurable joy in recipients once the possibility of generosity was acknowledged, regardless of actual follow-through.
FINDINGS:
- Recipients both possess and do not possess presents until opened.
- The presence of thought, when measured, alters emotional outcome.
- Intention collapses the social waveform; packaging is optional.
- The ethical collapse of good intentions under observation is inevitable.
RECOMMENDATIONS:
Future gift exchanges may be conducted through implication alone.The Bureau approves non-physical generosity as a sustainable practice.
ADVISORY NOTICE TO STAFF:
Schrödinger has been advised to stop testing on cats and interns.
Filed from Beyond the Pale · Dead Pragmatists Society · 2025